Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
It went with a bang!

How do you make idiots laugh on boxing day?
Tell them a joke on Christmas Eve!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even!

If athletes get athletes foot, what do rocket scientists get?
Missile-toe!

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No, you can have turkey like everyone else!

How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one, after that it's not empty any more!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus!

What often falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow!

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you can't beat it!